Dear URA2OOL...news flash. you're a tool.

As i've learned, and you probably already know, i hate a lot of things. (Please note that by hate, i don't usually mean hate as much as i mean "passionately dislike"or whatever that crap people say because "hate is such a strong word"). What do I hate? Vanity plates. Now, I do not dislike ALL vanity plates, just a few...i shall categorize and break down for you which and why:

1. 95STANG

Or something of the like. That was the dumbest one I could think of off the top i've my head. It's cool though, because I'm sure someone has it. Guess what, '95 Mustang driver....you're an idiot. Seriously. First off, your mustang sucks and looks like crap (for those who drives nice cars like porsche and benz and bmw, ignore that. you most likely don't resemble a hoopty and/or jalopy). Secondly, and more importantly, i'm not an idiot. I can see your car. With my eyes. I might wear contacts but my vision is not that damaged. I can see what kind of car you had! I can see that hood ornament, I can see the make and model printed on the car. I know what kind of car you have. So does everyone else. Restating the make and model of your motor vehicle on your license plate is stupid...it trashes it up. Think of all the cool things you could be doing with that extra couple bucks you spend each month on vanity plates. You could get an oil change! you could pay for crazy foreign parts it needs because you bought a snazzy german car! Just because you can afford a cool car, doesn't mean you need to restate the obvious. obviously!!! my car is the shit, and i don't have a vanity plate. everyone just knows.

2. DDYSLILOBNOXBRAT

yeah, ok, i know that's longer than any real license plate. but seriously.  Your license plate that says Daddys Little Girl, or ThanksDad! or Spoiled!! makes you look dumb. Now, I know your car is probably pink or yellow and a Volkswagon Bug, or Jetta, (here we are with the german cars again!), and maybe a Honda civic or something. Wow, do you look like a dumb cunt. (sorry, can i use that word?). Not to mention that fact that you're probably vacant, vapid and entirely obnoxious. You most likely think that Hawaii is next to Alaska because they go together on a map.  (Disclaimer: I do have a friend that thought that, but she's not qualified for this. She's incredibly smart, I love her, and she doesn't have a vanity plate).  Hey!! You should go on My Super Sweet Sixteen. I've already mocked you enough, your father may look ridiculous for buying you whatever you want because you whine about it, and if you could, i'm sure you'd have your car diamond encrusted. WOW what a waste of diamonds. But I digress. To summarize, the name "vanity plate" sums up how you represent yourself...vain. If you wanna thank your dad, parents, etc, for the car, drive safe, take care of it, and be responsible. Think of all the fake tan you could get with that extra money you (or daddy) wastes on your plates each month. ...tan...or plates...

3. URA2OOL

Here, I reveal to you, dear reader, that URA2OOL is a legit, existing license plate in the greater DC area. Specifically, where Fairfax meets Chantilly on Stringfellow road.  WOW. I've seen you dude, and i think its safe to say that you are the tool. First of all, you made that your license plate, which screams "help me, i'm afraid that by being a complete d-bag in my efforts to be cool that i look like a tool, so if my license plate calls other people tools, it will solidify my coolness!" WRONG. wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. fail. do not pass go, do not collect $200.  Haven't you ever heard the saying "takes one to know one?". stop...think about it...yes. there you go.  You're a tool, and officially always will be. I drove past your car on New Year's day. i wanted to leave a note that your new years resolution should be "to be less toolbaggy and get a new license plate." You pay monthly to reinforce your idiocy.

Again, I digress. You're just one person! I just passionately dislike vanity plates that make statements about other people or the speed your going (I know these don't relate, but for some reason i feel as though they belong in the same category); URA2OOL, 2CLOSE,  2FAST, 2FURIOUS, INAHURRY, whatever. hey INAHURRY, we're in traffic on the beltway. were ALL in a hurry, ass. The Fast and the Furious is a stupid movie, along with all sequels. Why would you automatically assume I'm too close? I probably am, but i'm working on it okay? But not everyone is!! You're making assumptions. To assume is make an "ass" out of "u" and "me". Mostly you. Etcetera, etcetera. You get the picture. 

So readers, the few of you. Few and fabulous. This is my rant for the evening. Please don't fall victim to one of these categories, (yes, "woley" is a perfectly acceptable vanity plate, no "87PINTO" is not)

Also, shoutout to the best vanity plate i've ever seen.... "BEERLUVR". you rule. hey, if you have any plates that stick out in your mind as awesome or stupid, feel free to comment and contribute..